hey...its Hump Day!

half wayy through the week. will saturdayy ever get here?...

its been raining all evening. im doing myy laundryy. gross. todayy is myy dad's bdayy. HAPPYY BIRTHDAYY!!! hope it was a great one...even though i didnt see you at all todayy. or tell you happyy birthdayy...

i went && tanned todayy. i noticed that some areas are darker than others?...am i dying of skin cancer?...im starving. someone brought it to my attention...im always hungryy. but when i eat i get the worst feeling. it sux. wth is wrong w/ me??? food is NOT the enemyy!!!...he is...ahaha just kidding...well sort of. no reallyy. i reallyy am. speaking of him...we didnt talk todayy. idk if he even got on todayy. cuz i got off work late, then went to tan, then got in the shower && cleaned. hhmmm...hope his dayy went well. mine went...eh. cant complain too much, im still here livin && breathin. although i am one dayy awayy from winning myy OUTBACK GIFT CARD!!! ahahaha i beat you Nancy!!! thats what ya get for being part time!!! anywho...thinkin about gettin another tat. told myy mom. she flipped. she tells me "i shouldnt ruin myy bodyy"...its not ruining. its coloring...ahahahaha just kidding. i dont just get tats to get them. (i only have 1 btw) i think im going to get it on myy hip. or the inside of myy ankle. or myy other wrist. hhmmm. anyy suggestions?...

i think myy blood pressure was up todayy. idk. i just felt..?..weird. not normal. i think i think too much. im always thinking. about things that i shouldnt think about. im just like dude. wth. what happend to when i wouldnt even think about what happend in the next 5 minutes??? its like. idk. cant explain it. karma is a beeahhh. thats what i deff know. hahaha "Karma is a funnyy thing..." LOVE YOU EARL!!! but yeah anywho...im prettyy hungryy. imma go see what i can find in myy mile long pantryy. peace && love.

&& so the week begins...

well. i talked to him todayy. whyy must i be the one to initiate it??? so much i want to get out. seriouslyy. but its like the more i sayy. the bigger hole i digg myself into. when did it become that wayy? when did it become "who can aggervate who first?" when did we become so hostile? i tryy. Lord knows i tryy. i need a miracle to bring this one back. i just. im so furious right now. i sitt here && pine for him. when i know its never going to happen. WTH. what is my problem. when did it get that wayy? yes. im sorryy. i broke the trust barrier. but cmon. a person cant apologize forever. i sayy this. NOW WHYY CANT I DO IT??? im sooo stuck on pleasing you. what about me??? even though i kinda screwed the pooche...do myy feelings not count anymore??? there is just sooo much anger still. when does it leave? does it ever? how do you tell someone get over it? w/out being rude? i promise i wont be the first who broke your heart. butt what if you still want it to work. even though you once shattered it? how do you come back from something like that? what do you sayy? its not like i shot someone. he kissed me. yes. that seems impossible. but its not. to have someone catch you off guard...its possible. yes the second time was my fault. becuz i didnt slapp him in the face. you dont understand. everything that was going on. you just dont understand...but tonight. was war. no joke. we both said things that were totallyy, totallyy, mean. im sorryy. but its like. myy "im sorryy" means nothing now. ugh. i just have so much to sayy. whyy must you mess w/ myy head? like three days ago you were tellin me you loved me. now you tell me the meanest ish a person could think of. && i hate how BIGG HEADED you are. like dude just get over yourself. does it make you feel better? that you think youre just sooo much better than me??? i have feelings too jerk...this is such a joke. whyy. whyy am i doing this. sometimes im just like omg. im sooo pathetic. whyy am i trippin over someone who WOULDNT tripp over me??? idk. im just so. upset. hurt. reallyy hurt. tired of this same ol thing. its almost a replayy. everydayy. almost too much to handle. && dont judge me. i know you are reading this thinking..."shes not even 19...&& she thinks she has problems..." dont judge me. i have myy fair share of problems...even if i am onlyy barelyy 19. i just wish hed change. let it go. come to peace w/ it. let the anger go. for me. for yourself. for the next person who comes along. ok. thats enough of myy life storyy for tonight. im sure a few more bloggs...&& youll piece it all together...

Day 2

well hello there. back again. todayy. well todayy was rather interesting. i talked to him todayy. it was like normal. til he asked me how myy weekend was...so check it i prettyy much went on a date...it was the whole 9 yards...like came up to my front door, opened the car door, reall gentleman like. went out to eat, went to see a movie, (which was ballin btw) then we got some yummyy ice cream...then when it came to me goin inside to crash...he attempted to kiss me. had to turn the cheek. 2nd attempt of the night...1st was when he went to grab myy hand during the movie. had to move myy hand...i think about it now, it was a joke to think i was readyy. the whole time we were at the restuarant...all i could think about was his order. haha Bacon Cheeseburger w/ no tomatoes, no pickles && fries w/ ketchup on the side. remember about memories?...well it just brought things rushing back. totallyy turned myy appetite south for the night. i SHOULDNTVE been thinking about him while im on a date. as that semi-passed && we got to the movie, saw a bunch of ppl that i used to talk to. all i could think about was how things used to be. but ill save that storyy for a diff blogg...but yeah we go see the movie. it was good. LOVE you JAMIE FOXX!!! lol but yeah as we were gettin to my house...all i could think about was how i didnt want what was going to happen...to happen. as he "leaned in"...i had to turn my cheek. the onlyy thing that was running through myy mind was him. this isnt right. at all. thats all i kept saying to myself. the guyy was prettyy let down. i could tell it on his face. i told him i didnt want to jerk him around on some ride where someone gets hurt cuz im still trippin over him. idk. part of me just wants to wake up from this horrendous dream...just get a major reality check...stop holding on to false hope. but other times...the things he says im just like it can happen. we just need to grow up. mature. blah blah blah...i guess its just something we have go through. like ya know...like catch a person on the wrong, or right dayy...

sorryy this blogg is kind of a downer...

on a lighter note...

it stormed all night earlyy this morning. i hate thunder storms. w/ a passion. but i had Sam byy myy side...so it was semi-ok. i know when the thunder woke me up, i went to grab myy phone to call him...had to sit back for a moment && just realize. he wouldnt answer. (&& yes i know im a babyy!!!...almost 19 years old && still afraid of thunder storms...DONT REMIND ME...) just reallyy made me think about the comfort level you can have w/ a person over time. CRAZYY how comfortable you can get w/ them...like fa reall...im still trippin over it.

well. im prettyy tired. even though i didnt do anything todayy but sleep in, go tan, get gas, && sitt at home w/ Sam...lol hey it was my day off k??? i guess imma duece out for tonight.

Day 1

tonight. is dayy 1 in this lil adventure. how about a lil "me" convo?!?!?! well. my name is Jenifer. w/ 1 "N". im 5'7''. my favorite color is white. && no, its not "the absence of color" its all colors mixed into 1. hard to believe i know. im pretty laid back. my favorite place to chow is OutBack && Johnny Carino's. myy life. is a rollercoaster. it twists && it turns. i hate hate change. i have fallen dramaticallyy from myy former self =/ i do myy best to roll w/ things. i sayy "like" wayy too much. i tryy to live myy life right. i prayy more than ppl think i do. i tryy not to show myy "sensitive side" becuz i acutallyy do tryy to please others (hard to believe) && dont want them to be that "sit && listen to someone complain about their life" person. i do care what ppl think. especiallyy the ppl i love. i do me. a lot of ppl tell me i come off strong. i really dont. they're just weak. ha. i sayy "idk" even when i do. when it comes to a certain person. i am incrediblyy weak. emotionallyy && physicallyy. i tryy to be strong. but it hardlyy works out that wayy. i have my own wayy of spelling && punctuation. im a twin =0) i dont go anywhere w/ out myy phone. even though Sprint is kinda suckyy. ha. i speak how i feel. && it NEVER comes out right. im a puma shoe freak. guys annoyy me 85% of the time. i judge (who doesnt?!) but im working on it...im such a lover. but also a fighter. i can be veryy stubborn. but veryy loving. when im angryy. words just flow. more than 70% of the time...i want to see you breakdown. i know...thats cruel. im working on it k? i LOVE my best friend Stephanie. we've been through every up-down-turn-around-boot-scoot-&&-boogie that you could think of. && here it is almost a year after graduation && were still close as ever. i graduated from the wonderful (HA) Crowley High School...yeah im VERY glad im out of high school. my high school experience was...well it was ok. but it couldve been mo betta. im human. i make my fair share of mistakes. i think constantly. it hurts to see others in pain. simple things please me. im prettyy random. i LOVE my dogg Sam. he's a full blood Akita. a bigg-o-furr ball haha...myy favorite movies are THE DARK KNIGHT, 300, Transformers, The Bourne movies, The Terminator movies, Iron Man, U.S. Marshalls, The Soloist, The Kingdom, P.S.-I Love You...those are just to name a few...prettyy much anything w/ Gerard Butler, Heathe Ledger, Tommy Lee Jones, Matt Damon, Jamie Foxx, && Robert Downey Jr.. yes i have an ipod. its the 3rd or 4th generation. i cant keep up. ha. i have brown short hair. im getting used to it. myy job...well. its a job. it pays bills. myy sox never match. like. ever. i dont think tattoos are bad. if they're meaningful. myy favorite candyy is Reese's Pieces. i dont cryy over sappyy movies. like THE NOTEBOOK. i LOVE myy car. its a red '07 cobalt. && for some reason, accidents find me. i LOVE wearing your clothes. memories can be bittersweet. theyre always there when your feeling down, yet theyy can bring everything rushing back like it happend 2 minutes ago. yes i have a myspace && facebook. i consder myself a prettyy strong person. until it comes to you. i work out dailyy. 5 days a week 2 times a dayy. i tan. haha yes, i "fake bake" but its onlyy temporaryy. myy favorite pizza is pepporonii exxtra mushroom. yumm. well. ive acutallyy written a lot. ha. i didnt think youd get that much outta me. CONGRATS TO YOU!!! well. i guess thats it for dayy 1. thats just a lil bit about me. maybe well tryy it again tomorrow.