&& so the week begins...

well. i talked to him todayy. whyy must i be the one to initiate it??? so much i want to get out. seriouslyy. but its like the more i sayy. the bigger hole i digg myself into. when did it become that wayy? when did it become "who can aggervate who first?" when did we become so hostile? i tryy. Lord knows i tryy. i need a miracle to bring this one back. i just. im so furious right now. i sitt here && pine for him. when i know its never going to happen. WTH. what is my problem. when did it get that wayy? yes. im sorryy. i broke the trust barrier. but cmon. a person cant apologize forever. i sayy this. NOW WHYY CANT I DO IT??? im sooo stuck on pleasing you. what about me??? even though i kinda screwed the pooche...do myy feelings not count anymore??? there is just sooo much anger still. when does it leave? does it ever? how do you tell someone get over it? w/out being rude? i promise i wont be the first who broke your heart. butt what if you still want it to work. even though you once shattered it? how do you come back from something like that? what do you sayy? its not like i shot someone. he kissed me. yes. that seems impossible. but its not. to have someone catch you off guard...its possible. yes the second time was my fault. becuz i didnt slapp him in the face. you dont understand. everything that was going on. you just dont understand...but tonight. was war. no joke. we both said things that were totallyy, totallyy, mean. im sorryy. but its like. myy "im sorryy" means nothing now. ugh. i just have so much to sayy. whyy must you mess w/ myy head? like three days ago you were tellin me you loved me. now you tell me the meanest ish a person could think of. && i hate how BIGG HEADED you are. like dude just get over yourself. does it make you feel better? that you think youre just sooo much better than me??? i have feelings too jerk...this is such a joke. whyy. whyy am i doing this. sometimes im just like omg. im sooo pathetic. whyy am i trippin over someone who WOULDNT tripp over me??? idk. im just so. upset. hurt. reallyy hurt. tired of this same ol thing. its almost a replayy. everydayy. almost too much to handle. && dont judge me. i know you are reading this thinking..."shes not even 19...&& she thinks she has problems..." dont judge me. i have myy fair share of problems...even if i am onlyy barelyy 19. i just wish hed change. let it go. come to peace w/ it. let the anger go. for me. for yourself. for the next person who comes along. ok. thats enough of myy life storyy for tonight. im sure a few more bloggs...&& youll piece it all together...